August 2000 - Letter 31

So August, finally
                                      you are
a few good dreams
                                       (Metheny
& his glass recycling enterprise
his anger @ a failed process)
(Mom & the insurance saleslady
                                who waits.

Finally you are one night
of sleeping straight
                thru.
What a luxury oh August.
How much we take
for granted.

August you are the return
of the rain, neighbors
who prefer grudge          
                             matches
little girls tromping
thru new garden beds
visions of calls to CPS.

August you are a daughter's
energetic return, a crying
Grandma, one more happy
                                      distraction.

You are Bumbershoot
                                           rehearsals
erotic scratching
                              how many more
difficult runes?

August you are the winter
              of my spiritual life
a period of gestation (what
                    precedes rebirth)
a chill wind over the floes
of old outmoded habits.
Isolation & a good
                                      process.

If any one ever asks,   August
you are fun,  necessary   &  not
as hard as you sound but
truth is you are self-imposed
hell, you are sleep disrupted, are
your own weather system
           your own gravitational pull
           difficult & esoteric
    mysterious & prone to delusion
needy & ungraceful, plodding.

You are whining cats
                 neglected dogs.

You are stereo
             flea-biting
the emergence of everyone's
abuse under the first
good release
                            you are
bureaucratic hell & some
prefer coffee
                         you are
the gnarly return
                                         of deadlines
you are selfish &
                                  greedy
                     if I had a rock I'd …

What about my friends August?
What about the stars
                               the beach?
What about anything else
                                              besides
your insane demands
your gravity
                     &
                             your innuendoes?

I'm leaving you August.
Perhaps you will get religion
& be more of a flow
               next yr.

I can't endure you                 forever.
peN#996 - 7:22A - 8.31.00